My relationship with social media
And how it impacts my mental health
I joined a little thing called Twitter back in 2009. I already had Facebook, but adults started to join so us teenagers had to find a platform just for us. I loved Twitter when it started because while everybody was using it to give the most random updates on their days, I was using it to write short, very short poems and thoughts.
Within months my account took off, gaining thousands of followers, and as a teenager, that was my first validation as a writer. I started a blog to expand beyond the then 140-character limit and I continued to explore writing outside of social media, mainly focusing on screenplays. Eventually I decided to take this more seriously and I moved to Los Angeles to study screenwriting. Life got busy then, and I left Twitter alone. I also wasn’t liking it anymore because something called “Tweetstars” was on the rise (basically the first generation of influencers), and I had no interest in being part of that.
It took a couple of years after joining Instagram for me to start using it regularly. I still liked the written format more and felt a bit exposed by sharing actual visuals of my life or myself. I noticed many friends started to compare themselves to others. They were feeling low when seeing others in seemingly happy relationships, getting engaged, married, or having kids. That personally never got to me because I never felt like it was my time for any of those things just yet. Living in Los Angeles and chasing a dream also made me feel like I was relatively succeeding at life. I never posted about my financial or immigration struggles, not because I wanted to hide them, but because I considered them private and I also didn’t want to be a downer. So I only shared positive things, and it made me happy to see others sharing their successes and achievements too.
However… over time, every account became the portrait of happiness and perfection. Couples I knew were having issues were publicly declaring how happy they were. It became unrealistic and dishonest to the point where it made me many of us feel bad about ourselves or at least, unsettled. So when people started sharing their struggles, hardships, and the not-so-pretty sides of their lives, it was refreshing. We started embracing the “it’s okay not to be okay” mindset and we would celebrate that.
And for just a glimpse of a moment, that balance existed.
Today, I find social media the most overwhelming place to be, and it’s giving most of us a lot of anxiety.
One of the biggest problems, I think, is that social media plays way too many roles in our lives. It’s our immediate connection to family and friends. It’s also our resume because (depending on the industry) your posts and follower count is the difference between getting hired or not. It’s a diary for some, a business platform for others. For social media managers or influencers, that’s their entire job! It’s also our news outlet as we read every headline there. It’s our happy place where we watch silly videos to decompress, and it’s our place to vent.
That’s… a lot!
I’m still figuring out what works for me. But for now, this is how I’m using social media, and ever since I’ve made these changes, it gives me joy again instead of anxiety.
I don’t use it to connect with friends
I have a couple of friends who say things like, “I’m not sure if you saw on my Insta, but...” and then proceed to share their life update. The fact that some people expect you to be glued to their socials is both narcissistic and unrealistic. My closest friends and I share updates one-on-one, and I like that. I love the feeling of texting or calling a loved one when something (good or bad) happens to me. And I love it when they do the same with me. That’s the type of connection that fulfills me. I don’t give a damn if my closest circle doesn’t watch my stories or like my posts.
I value privacy
Of course, I’ve shared personal things on socials, and at times I wish I’d done that less. Every now and then, there are huge events that give me so much joy I just want to share with everyone. But I don’t like sharing my life regularly. I don’t want people to know if I’m going on a trip, if I’m eating pasta instead of salmon, or if I’m seeing a friend on Friday night. The truth is: nobody cares. We’ve become addicted to this voyeuristic culture, but if we didn’t post that gym selfie or latte shot... I swear, no one would miss it.
Exposing everything so publicly is just not something I relate to, because there are so many things that are too sacred to put out there, things that I want to be mine and mine only. Things I want to share within the safety and tenderness of my closest family and friends.
I limit who I follow and who I watch
I didn’t realize how uncomfortable I felt watching so many people’s lives, especially when most of them weren’t really in mine. Maybe we met at an event once, or we went to high school together but haven’t spoken in years.
I only watch stories from people I actually have relationships with. Not all of those relationships have to be super close, as long as they’re genuine. Every six months or so, I cleanse my socials and unfollow some accounts. You could argue that some great relationships can come out of social media, but the key word is some. I only follow close friends, family members, coworkers, people who bring me joy, and artists or brands I genuinely love. I don’t like following the friend of a friend that I met once at a wedding, my friends’ partners that I see once a year, or someone I’ve drifted apart from. And it’s not personal. It’s about curating a space that feels safe and intentional.
I don’t take it seriously
Everyone is taking social media so seriously it’s ridiculous. If someone follows you, that means you’re friends. If they unfollow you, that means they hate you. If they don’t like your post, they’re not a supportive friend. If they don’t watch your story, they’re probably mad at you, did they mute you? Oh my god, it’s the end of the world!
A huge amount of single people, especially women, base whether someone’s romantically interested in them depending on whether they watch their stories. Social media should not be taken that seriously.
I don’t use it to vent
The main reason social media overwhelms me these days is because everyone seems to be complaining about something (or everything) all the time. And hey, I get it, life sucks sometimes, and there’s a lot going on in the world. But it wrecks my nervous system to open my phone and encounter negativity with every scroll.
Everyone is free to use their social media however they want, but I’ve chosen not to use mine to vent. I have a wonderful support system I can talk to about the things that irritate, upset, or scare me. I don’t want to put that energy out there for people who are just trying to decompress or catch up on some news.
And yes, for my own sanity, I mute people who constantly vent online —people I don’t want to unfollow because I like them, have a relationship with them, or even agree with their views—, but I simply don’t have the mental and emotional bandwidth for their online venting.
I hide my like count
No shame in admitting that during a year when I had to go back to Mexico while I sorted out my next step with my artist visa, I was feeling stuck on so many levels. I posted a lot on Instagram during that year (most of those pictures are now deleted), and I definitely felt the highs and lows of chasing likes. It can get addicting. So when Instagram added the option to hide likes, I used it immediately. I don’t want to know how many likes other people get, and I don’t want others seeing mine. My sharing has nothing to do with that anymore.
I limit my overall use
I actually added a limit to my social media apps on my iPhone. My limit is ten minutes per day. The moment I hit that, the app locks and I can no longer access it. Sure, I can bypass it, but I rarely do that. Ever since I added this limit, I see less of what people are doing. My go-to is silly content that makes me smile. And then there’s very little time to see people’s posts. I really just have time to see the stories of two to five people, and the algorithm feeds me the content of accounts I interact with the most. This limit allows me enjoy the app without mindlessly scrolling, and it makes me more intentional about what I consume.
I’ve seen many people deleting or archiving most of their posts because they don’t want those old moments to be out there anymore. I’ve seen some others posting less. And a few of my friends delete their apps from their phone every now and then to get a break. I admire that. I may do that one day, but for now, this is working for me.
So why do you have social media then? I actually love social media. I love expressing myself, I love how creative the internet is, and I love the communities that can be formed. I love the silly and joyful part of it. Additionally, I’m in the film industry, and if you’re part of it too, you’ll know that having social media is a must for work purposes. There’s a lot about social media that I enjoy, but just like alcohol or sugar, too much isn’t healthy. We need to consume it in moderation, and that’s what this post is about.
By no means am I saying what I’m doing is what everyone should do. I simply wanted to share what’s been working for me. I’d be curious to hear what you do, and what your best practices are for maintaining a healthy relationship with your socials.
♥