How I handle rejection
Some say this industry is all about rejection, but I choose to look at it differently
It’s exciting, our hopes are up. Our script is going out to producers, hoping that one will like it enough to want to make it. Or maybe we just got an interview for a TV staff position. We’re prepared and our sample is strong! Perhaps we’re scheduling a bunch of pitches with all the TV networks. And we believe it, we really believe that our movie will get made, that we will get that room, that our TV Show will sell.
Then we’re met with endless “Nos.” Or should I say “passes,” the word industry professionals prefer to use. Over and over again, they pass on our script.
And it sucks. But somehow I don’t remember a single time when a pass crushed me. Of course I get upset, but my range of disappointment goes from “okay, cool” to “bummer, I really wanted that job.” I allow myself to feel the letdown, and, without forcing it, that feeling usually goes away within a few hours. Some passes have bothered me for just a few minutes, some have upset me for as long as a day or two. But most of the time I really don’t care that much. It’s still unpleasant news, but I move on quickly because I never take it personally. Most of those passes have nothing to do with me.
I never think of a pass as a rejection, but rather as part of a selection process. I doubt the execs making the decisions are going “Lucy was so annoying” or “her script was awful” or “she’s just not good enough.” At the end of the day, I got those meetings, I got those pitches set up, and I got that job interview. Or maybe I didn’t even make it to an interview, and that’s also okay. I don’t expect everyone to connect with me or my work.
If I go to Calvin Klein to get a new pair of jeans, it’s because I already know I like the brand. I walk in, I take a look, and I’m already selecting the style of jeans I like the most. That doesn’t mean the rest are ugly, I’m sure plenty of other people would prefer them. I try on the ones I know I like and end up taking one or two with me while leaving the rest behind. I take the ones that fit my body. I select them.
I hear you, the jeans I leave behind won’t give a damn. Human beings aren’t jeans. But you get the point. Life is an endless selection process. We’re constantly choosing one thing (or person) over another. We say “yes” and “no” to dates with people, we swipe left way more than we swipe right, we break up, we cancel plans with people we don’t feel like seeing, and we make the extra effort to drive across the city to see a friend we really want to hang out with. We choose one restaurant over another. Choices, choices, choices. The car we get. The clothes we wear. The meals we eat. The movies we watch.
We selected our manager, agent(s), and lawyer, and we said no to those we didn’t sign with. We pass on projects we don’t connect with, and I’m pretty sure we don’t make these choices thinking “I’m going to reject this person because they’re not good enough.” We focus on the thing or person we’re choosing. I’m fairly certain (I hope anyway) our approach is: “This project is fantastic, and I want to be part of it” or “This agent blew my mind, and I would love to work with them.”
Saying no was one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn to do. I’ve always struggled with saying no to plans, people, and projects. But over the past few years I’ve been practicing, and saying no has become easier (and oh wow, it’s the best feeling in the world!) The more I say no and the more assertive I am, the less hurt I am when I’m the one to get a no. We all say no!
Easier said than done, I know. I’m aware that this is being read by writers who probably haven’t had their breaking-in story yet, or are at the stage of pursuing reps. Getting passed on at that stage can be extremely discouraging. During that period of my life, I struggled with patience, but I never told myself that I wasn’t good enough. Instead I would say “my script needs more work” or “I’m not ready yet, but I’ll get there.” I was adamant about being a writer so I worked hard to get to the point of being ready.
The industry is incredibly slow right now and everything seems harder. Even A-listers are having their projects cancelled or aren’t able to sell them. I understand that a no during this time may hit harder. I’ve felt it, too. Maybe this is why I’m writing this right now. It breaks my heart to see us all struggling. This industry is hard enough, we don’t need to add more demoralizing thoughts to our journeys. So I’m holding your hand right now, fellow writer, and I’m telling you from the bottom of my heart: You’re not being rejected. It’s just a selection process.
But hey, I’m not here pretending I know everything, I may be wrong. And if I am, I still choose to see things this way because it keeps me sane. It keeps my heart at peace and my mind full of optimism. I CBT myself into not making assumptions. We’re storytellers, we always want to know why, our brains are wired that way. It’s normal to want to create a story that explains why that Showrunner didn’t hire us for their room. But unless we hear direct feedback from them, we don’t know why, so let’s move on.
The nos that I’ve gotten - although annoying, hard, or hurtful - have lasted literally seconds. The time it takes for the news to be delivered. I choose not to keep them with me, because I need to make space for the yeses. Because when you get a yes, those last way longer. Sometimes forever. The reps we have, the savings from the previous job, or at least that title in our resume will always be there. We’ve all gotten yeses before that have shaped our life path. The acceptance to that college or fellowship. The placement in that competition. The approval for your car loan or apartment.
And even more powerful than the yeses we’ve gotten, are the choices we’ve made. Our own selection process in life. Moving to a new city, adopting a pet, going on that date, starting a new workout routine, finding roommates, living alone, getting married, getting divorced, learning to cook, going on that trip, having a child, making new friends…
So don’t let this industry trick you into thinking you’re not good enough. I choose to believe in myself, and I hope you believe in yourself too.
♥
This is such a refreshing take! I definitely need to take a leaf out of your book when it comes to processing “rejection” 😂 I think this shows that you have a healthy level of self-esteem and don’t hang your self worth on whether someone says ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to you.